I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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