you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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