I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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