Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
