im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
