I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
