Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
