Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
