there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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