Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
