Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
