I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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