I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think my vagina is haunted
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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