i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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