Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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