Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
