There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize