you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
