Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
