i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
