you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
