my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
