your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
