Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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