Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
