He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
