You can't motorboat a personality
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
