At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i out mim tonsoeep
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
