True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
