there's paper in my vomit.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
