oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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