of course. lets lasso hookers.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
