I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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