He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize