totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
