I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
