you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
