I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize