apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
