I wanna bring you to show and tell
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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