I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
