I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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