I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
