You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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