Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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