i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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