So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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