a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
