I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
