she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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