Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm at about main and main street
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
