Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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