First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
