dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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