Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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