I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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