I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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