So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
