With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
