you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
