He disabled his match.com account in front of me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
