walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Farmville is her only friend.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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