There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
