he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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