D3 body, D1 cock
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize