omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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