White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
