you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
