I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
