so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
