she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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