would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
