no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
