dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
