My liver just broke up with me...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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