On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
too bad you live with your parents still
home. puking in laundry basket.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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