not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
