We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize