Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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