New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's never too late to be topless.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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