The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
