The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize