Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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