Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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