I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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