Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
